so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
