The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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