my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
