im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
