either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
