how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
