I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
