she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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