She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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