I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize