Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
