you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
