Barsexuality is the new black.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
