1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
