end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
MIDGETS
????
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The power of my boobs compel you
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
