Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
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She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
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He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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