put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize