marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
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