dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
