just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
