two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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