Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
