She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
where am i from again
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
