I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
