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That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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