Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk

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(423): I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk http://tfl.nu/ntyc

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.

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(405): Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile. http://tfl.nu/zkhz

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(810): View more from Michigan

I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...

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(810): I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work... http://tfl.nu/lwph

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(678): View more from Georgia

so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.

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(678): so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style. http://tfl.nu/eq3b

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode

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(321): I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode http://tfl.nu/96an

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(320): View more from Minnesota

I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town

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(320): I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town http://tfl.nu/1n02

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(513): View more from Ohio

They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.

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(513): They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is. http://tfl.nu/k34n

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(718): View more from New York

you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes

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(718): you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes http://tfl.nu/46zk

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.

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(330): I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse. http://tfl.nu/kxn7

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(443): View more from Maryland

I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected

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(443): I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected http://tfl.nu/8335

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(678): View more from Georgia

Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"

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(678): Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS" http://tfl.nu/1tt6

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(563): View more from Iowa

Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!

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(563): Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW! http://tfl.nu/5pvv

Replies (3) Good night (596) Bad night (933)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.

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(541): Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad. http://tfl.nu/nlxo

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(559): View more from California

I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."

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(559): I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce." http://tfl.nu/n8hm

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(516): View more from New York

sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day

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(516): sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day http://tfl.nu/3ryn

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