I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
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Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
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130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.