checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.