Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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