Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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