Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
