i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
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your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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