hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
