Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
