he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
