I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I did not marry a roomba.
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