Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
