The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
