I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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