it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
