there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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