my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
