It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
