she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
