To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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