I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
