they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
