Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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