I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
