mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize