That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
