So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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