It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
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I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
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Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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