Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
