I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
