It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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