so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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