I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize