i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
