I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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