Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
