What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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