he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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