Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
