I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
