They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
