did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
