I need help removing her.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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