Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
