he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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