i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.