It was confusing and full of hummus
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
