I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
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I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.