Don't you send me to vm
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
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all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Can you bring me the toilet please
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch