also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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