Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
