I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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