I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
