fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
