omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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