K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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