I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
