i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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