I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
