No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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